


Never End

by twisting_vine_x



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, so much pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 15:21:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8061592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twisting_vine_x/pseuds/twisting_vine_x
Summary: Basically, the one in which Levi and Eren have been best friends for years, and Levi is so absolutely gone over him.(This is a little tumblr drabble that got wildly out of control. Inspired by this gorgeous piece of art here.)





	

Levi should have realized that this would be a bad idea.

Eren had said yes, unsurprisingly. _Of course_ Levi could paint him for the upcoming gallery, he’d said, with a smile on his face. Anything to make Levi’s life easier. He’d only asked why as an afterthought, when the conversation was almost over, and Levi had gone still inside, but his mouth had managed to keep working. Something about him being familiar with Eren’s face, after having to look at it for all these years. Eren had just laughed in his face and then ruffled his hair, and Levi had gone home that night and lied in bed and hated himself.

He’d never thought this would happen to him. In love with his best friend. It was so _cliché_. And it didn’t matter that Eren had somewhat recently broken up with the person he’d been seeing for literal _years,_ for as long as Levi had known him. Maybe if Eren hadn’t been taken when they’d met, Levi would have asked him out then. Maybe he’d have invited him for coffee, and they would have fallen for each other.

Or maybe not. Maybe they’d have been a crash and burn fling, and they would have never gotten here. Maybe they would have never become the friends that they are, always together and always watching out for each other, helping each other to get back up, time and again, no matter what the world tried to throw at them. 

And Levi won’t risk that for anything. He won’t ever, ever risk that. And if that means one-sided pining for the rest of his stupid life, he’ll just have to deal.

He’d never intended on being quite so obvious, though. He should have _known_ this was a bad idea. Whatever had possessed him to dump his feelings onto a canvas that the entire goddamn world could see, Eren himself included?

Because there’s a slip to Eren’s smile, when he sees the painting. A moment when his lips part in something that looks almost like shock, his smile sliding right off his face, until he swallows and takes shaky breath, moving a step closer to Levi; and there’s something terrible and hot, writhing inside Levi, threatening to tear up through him and rip whatever’s left of him to pieces. 

Why, why did he do this?

“That’s…” Eren’s mouth is still hanging open, and his eyes are wide, as he moves closer to Levi, not looking away from the painting on the wall, and… he looks absolutely blindsided, and Levi wants the floor to fucking _swallow_ him. 

How could he have done this this? 

And then it gets _worse,_ because Eren actually _looks_ at him, and Levi… he can’t read him at all. He can always,  _always_ read him, but now he _can’t,_ now he doesn’t know what Eren’s thinking _at all;_ and something inside him seems to crumble even further at that, even as Eren visibly swallows again. “Levi…”

“It’s - okay, shut up, I know it’s not my best -”

_“Levi -”_

“I was on a _time constraint,_ okay, and I - I needed something - _someone -_ that I knew, and I really thought you didn’t mind, and… if you hate it I can get rid of -”

“That’s the last thing I want.” Eren still looks a bit stunned, his eyes still wide and the words falling soft and unsteady out of his mouth, and Levi feels his teeth grind together. There are other people around them, milling about the gallery, he _knows_ there are - but they’re an afterthought, barely flickering at the edges of his mind as Eren manages a weak smile, though it looks more than a little wobbly at the edges. “I… I think that’s the kindest thing anyone’s done for me, actually.” 

His smile gets even shakier as he says it, and Levi swallows, hard, but it does nothing to help with the cloying feeling in his throat, like all his words have been stolen away. He must wait too long, though, because Eren suddenly looks unsure, a flush spreading across his face and his gaze ending up on the floor. 

“I mean, I know it’s not - not  _for_ me, that’s not what I was trying to -”

_“Eren -”_

“It’s just… it’s nice to know that you see me like that, you know? Like - like…”

He trails off, as though he can’t find the words, and Levi feels about the size of a bug - because he’s fucked up. He’s fucked up _so_ badly. Eren _has_ to know, that must be why he’s fumbling for words, now, that must be why he’s looking even more unsure of how to say what he’s thinking - because how could he _not_ know? Levi has _ruined_ this, and he wants to fucking _die._

The sudden approach of one of the other artists interrupts them, her smile genuine and completely unaware of what she’s interrupting, and Levi sucks in a breath and looks away as she starts talking to Eren. His legs feel like noodles, and all he wants is to tear the painting down and hide underneath it forever.

If he’s ruined this, he’s never going to forgive himself.

\- - -

Eren doesn’t mention it.

Two weeks pass, and he doesn’t say a word about the painting. If anything, it just makes Levi more nervous, as things just continue as normal. Eren and Levi have a night spent playing Mario Kart before Eren passes out on Levi’s couch. Eren comes by work during Levi’s lunch to bring him coffee. Eren smiles at him the same way he always has, not a hint of _anything_ different shining through.

It makes Levi want to tear his hair out. Being stuck in this limbo is _horrifying._

But maybe he’s not, though. Maybe Eren really _hadn’t_ gotten it, when he saw the painting? Maybe Levi just keeps on making himself frantic for nothing.

It’s not an idea that he can quite make himself believe, though, and by the end of three weeks, Levi’s pretty much teetering on the edge of a full-blown anxiety breakdown, the scenarios in his head just getting worse and worse, because… what if Eren is just being nice to him? What if he’s weirded out, but too nice to just tell Levi to fuck off, so he’s just being nice to him… oh, _god,_ what if that’s it?

He’d forgotten that Eren was coming over until he hears the front door open, and then it’s like everything inside him goes horribly cold and still.

They’d stopped bothering with knocking about a year ago. Normally, Levi doesn’t mind. Tonight, though, it means that he’s still wide-eyed and frantic by the time Eren steps into his living room. He’s got a twelve-back under his arm and a happy little grin on his face, but the smile fades as soon as he sees Levi. It’s not really surprising. Levi knows what he looks like right now - he’d looked in the mirror earlier, and, well, he looks like what he’d naturally look like after not sleeping for three weeks - and Eren’s always been able to read him better than anyone else. How did Levi manage to hide his feelings all this time, anyway?

“Hey, you okay?” Eren’s setting the beer down as he says it, and taking a step closer. Down around their feet, Levi’s kitty comes to wind her way around Eren’s legs, but Eren - for once - doesn’t immediately get down and start cooing at her. He’s too focused on Levi’s face, worry obvious in the sharp furrow of his eyebrows, even as his hands settle on Levi’s elbows. “You look like shit. What -”

“Rough day.” It’s not really a lie, but it’s not the truth, either. He doesn’t make a habit out of lying to Eren - beyond the obvious _I’m so in love with you_ that he’s been keeping to himself for years - but maybe Eren hears the lie, because his eyebrows pull tighter together, and Levi desperately tries to swallow. “Beer and a movie would be mighty fucking nice right now, if you brought that to share.”

Levi knows that he did. They each take turns buying the booze.

And Eren just stares at him for a moment before he gives a little shrug and aims for a smile, like he’s willing to go along with Levi’s bullshit. The smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes, though, and - oh, god, there’s _hurt_ there. Fuck. Fuck, _fuck,_ what has Levi _done,_ of course Eren would realize that Levi was  _lying_ to him.

And now Levi’s hurt his feelings. Some fucking friend he is.

“Yeah, alright. I brought the newest Marvel, if you want?”

He’s not quite looking at him, and Levi feels like scum on the bottom of a boot. He manages a nod, though, and Eren gives him another little insincere smile as he leaves the room to put the beer in the kitchen. The second he’s gone, Levi realizes that he’s shaking, that his legs are literally trembling, and his heart is hammering so badly it’s a wonder it hasn’t cracked right out through his ribs.

What is he _doing._

“Hey, Sapporo to start, right?” Eren’s voice is soft, just barely floating out from the kitchen, and Levi closes his eyes, suddenly feeling even worse. They always do this. Eren always surprises him with two different beers, one that’s actually yummy and one that tastes like shit, and then they save the cheaper shit for later in the evening. “I picked up some dairy-free donuts, too, if you wanted to give them a try. Not sure if they’re any good, but -”

Levi doesn’t really hear the rest of it, because he’s too busy moving toward the doorway, Eren’s mouth snapping shut as Levi steps into the room, his heart rabbiting against his ribs as he sucks in a breath and looks at the floor.

“I’m sorry.” His voice doesn’t sound right. He sounds awful, actually. And when Eren doesn’t respond at all, Levi swallows and tries to keep going, despite the way every single word seems to stick in his throat on the way out. “I… I really am having a shit day, and… yes, there _is_ more to it than that, but I - I _really_ don’t wanna talk about it, so… so if we could… could just sit here and drink our stupid beer and watch this stupid movie, I… I’d really appreciate -”

Eren’s arms around him shut him up.

Easy as anything - easy as though this isn’t all fucked up - he just wraps his arms around him, pulling him close and gently pressing his face into Levi’s hair.

For a long, terrifying moment, Levi can’t think. Can’t even breathe. Then, all the strength seems to go out of him, and he lets himself sag, burying his face in Eren’s shoulder as Eren’s arms tighten around him, pulling him closer.

Levi never wants to move again. He never, ever wants this moment to end.

“Hey, it’s fine. We don’t have to talk about anything.” It’s barely a whisper, pressed against Levi’s hair as Eren’s fingers slide in a slow, soothing line down his back, and Levi could die happy, right here. “I’m here if you need me, though. You know that, right?” Eren’s fingers are sliding up to brush his hair, now, the way they’ve done so many times before, and Levi’s so fucking  _wrecked_ inside he barely manages a nod. It must be enough, though, because Eren tightens his grip and breathes, “Okay,” against his hair, holding on to him for a moment longer before he finally pulls back. Levi barely manages to look up at him, but there’s nothing but genuine sweetness on his face, like Eren really truly doesn’t understand that he’s _ruining_ Levi, like he doesn’t understand that all he has to do is _look_ at Levi and Levi can’t breathe. “So, beer and a movie, then?”

His fingers come up to brush Levi’s hair out of his face, as he says it, and he’s  _still_ smiling at him, still so fucking _sweet_ about it; and it’s something he’s done a _hundred_ times before, this careful slide of his fingers through Levi’s hair, but… 

Levi only realizes he’s closed his eyes and leaned into it when Eren goes still.

Absolutely completely still, sucking in a breath and utterly freezing against him.

It’s like all the air’s been sucked out of the room. Like the entire world’s stopped.

There’s nothing left but the thunder of Levi’s heartbeat, loud over the absolute silence in the rest of the room. 

He can’t open his eyes. He can’t.

It’s Eren who moves first. His fingers brush just barely against Levi’s hair,  and Levi’s stomach is suddenly rolling, a horrible realization spreading through him. He… he could have laughed this off, maybe. He could have played this off, somehow. 

But he can’t now. He’s been standing here for too long. He can’t laugh this off.

All these years, and he’s finally wrecked this.

“I… I’m terrified of saying the wrong thing, here.”

The words are so soft Levi almost misses them. So soft they’re still barely audible, even over how terrifyingly quiet the rest of the room is.

Eren’s voice sounds fragile, like he’s seconds away from shattering.

It’s enough to get Levi’s eyes open. And he’s not sure what his face is doing, but Eren looks… lost. Utterly lost, in a way that Levi’s never seen from him. And when all Levi does is manage to stare at him, it leaves them hanging there, just watching each other, until Eren sucks in a breath that looks like it shakes all the way through him, his eyes wide as his fingers brush against Levi’s hair again.

“Can… can I…”

Levi nods, immediately. Whatever Eren’s asking, the answer is yes.

And then his eyes are sliding shut because Eren’s leaning closer, pressing up close to him and hesitating for a long, terrifying moment, until he sucks in a shaky breath and brushes a kiss against his forehead, so soft Levi barely feels it.

Distantly, he knows that there are tears in his eyes. His legs are also possibly going to go out from under him.

Is this real?

“Okay?” Eren sounds a bit strangled. Sounds absolutely ruined, and like he also can’t believe this is happening, and Levi categorically cannot speak, but he manages a nod. Manages a short, jerky little nod, his breathing coming too fast and his fingers coming up to twist into the front of Eren’s shirt; and when Eren breathes, “Oh, thank god,” and sags against him, sounding more relieved than Levi has ever heard him, Levi can’t swallow the whimper that rips out of him.

How is this happening?

And then Eren’s swallowing and tilting his head down to dip his mouth lower, his lips barely brushing over the arch of Levi’s cheekbone, soft and gentle and easy, hovering there like he’s waiting for a sign to go further; and it’s Levi who turns his head. 

Levi who twists to try to find Eren’s mouth.

And Eren’s making a noise as he kisses him, something soft and low as he just barely brushes their lips together, a gentle touch that sends sparks shooting across Levi’s body. He can feel how badly they’re both shaking, can feel the way his legs are barely holding him up anymore, and Eren’s eyes are wide as he pulls back to look at him. He looks absolutely shocked, incredulity written across every inch of his expression, like he still can’t believe this is happening, either; and Levi can’t stand to not be touching him, so he curls up around him again. He just unceremoniously steps in and buries his face against Eren’s shoulder as Eren swallows and brings his arms back up around him. Levi can feel him shaking, and it’s a fitting counterpoint to the way Levi still feels like he’s soaring.

… This is real?

“I….” Eren’s voice is damp, choked up, and Levi tightens his grip, not doing a damn thing to stop the tears burning in his own eyes. “I never thought you’d…”

Levi just shakes his head, unable to say anything. He just presses his face deeper into Eren’s chest and holds on tighter. He still can’t speak. And Eren just stands there and holds him, until he finally pulls back again. This time, Levi doesn’t stop himself from leaning into Eren’s fingers as they brush across his hair before Eren leans in to carefully kiss his forehead again, lingering there until he swallows, the little noise sounding like it’s been pulled from deep inside him.

“So, um… could - could we be... b-boyfriends, maybe?”

It should be silly, maybe - _boyfriends,_ dear god, it’s as though they’re both seventeen again, young and romantic and stupid - but it’s _not_ silly, it’s _perfect,_ it rips right through Levi, because  _yesyesyesyesgodyesplease-_ but there’s a world of insecurity, there, in Eren’s voice. Levi can hear it, as clear as anything, as though Eren even has to _ask;_ and it’s enough to make him finally find his own voice again.

Eren’s been the one with all the courage here. The one who’s taken all the risks, and actually managed to get them here. The least Levi can do is answer him.

“Please.”

It’s… not really what he was going for. It’s so honest, actually, that he can barely stand to hear his own voice. But it makes Eren shudder and hold him tighter, breathing his name against his hair with something that sounds like wonder, and Levi closes his eyes again, that soaring feeling still careening through him, crashing through him and and warming him from the inside out.

He was wrong, earlier. This, right here, is the moment that he never wants to end.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone fancies being [tumblr](http://twisting-vine-x.tumblr.com/) buddies, I'm always happy to make new friends. 
> 
> (Note: my blog has major spoilers for the AoT manga, so if you'd like to avoid those, the tag to blacklist is, 'aot manga spoilers'.)


End file.
